“You know when you’re pressing every inch of yourself against that person, and while staring into their eyes, regardless if it’s pure lust or true love, there’s that tiny spark that’s strong enough to pause time? When the anticipation of what’s about to come next makes your heart pound so effin’ hard you hear it in your ears? And then…you join your bodies in slow motion, and it’s pure perfection.”
My carnal groaning left nothing to the imagination. After a pregnant pause I went on to add, “With every thrust, the pressure builds until you can’t stand it any longer. And by the grace of the universe, your orgasm forcibly releases with every ounce of sexual energy from your body, leaving you drained. The experience is both heaven and hell at the same time. You never want it to end, yet, if it doesn’t end soon, you’ll never recover. That sensation you get when you’re coming—there’s nothing on this goddamn earth that even comes close. It doesn’t matter if the sex was mind-blowing, mediocre, or even routine—if done right, the moment you release is always nirvana.”
“Damn, man…” Hank chimed in. “Whew, did it get hot in here?”
“It’s always hot in here.” My eyes cut to the clock on the wall. Time flew by at supersonic speed, and I still had so much I wanted to say. But I was out of time, and for the last hour I’d have to sit back and listen. “Okay, L.A. Let’s go to the phone lines, since they’re lighting up like the Fourth of July. You’re on with Vaughn. How can I get you off?”
“Hi, Vaughn. I’m Susie. I just wanted to tell you the sound of your sexy voice has been the last thing I’ve heard every night before I slipped into my bed.”
“Thank you for your support, Susie. Nothing needs to change. I’ll meet you over at Galaxy next month. Date?”
“I’ll be there.”
“You’re on with Vaughn. How can I get you off?”
“Hey, Vaughn. I wanted to thank you for getting me through one of the worst times of my life.”
“I’m glad I could help, and I appreciate you telling me that. You’re on with Vaughn. How can I get you off?”
“Many ways, thank you. Vaughn, because of you I’m no longer intimidated by trying new things and asking for what I want. I now know my body intimately, and that has turned my ho-hum sex life into a fucking awesome one.”
“Aw, honey, I’m sure they dumped that out. But I appreciate you telling me. Thank you. Every woman deserves her mind to be blown. Always be sure to please yourself first. You’re on with Vaughn.”
“Hi, Vaughn…before you, oral sex had no appeal until I realized he just sucked at it.”
“Darlin,’ if your toes aren’t curling, he’s not doing it right.”
Call after call was more of the same. With the way the boards lit up, there wasn’t enough time to get to everyone. A few of my regulars got through, as thousands of others waited and waited, hoping to be connected. Some that I’d never spoken to before made sure to tell me they’d been listening for years but were too shy to call. The support, well wishes, and compliments came in droves and time ran out before I could speak to them all.
It wasn’t just females calling to sing my praises, the men had their own thanks to give.
“You’re on with Vaughn. How can I get you off?”
“You’re a genius. After hearing your show on foolproof seduction, my wife now wants sex more than I do.”
“Make sure you keep pleasing her, and she’ll keep pleasing you. You’re on with Vaughn.”
“Because of you she finally tried anal and loved it. Thank you, man.”
“You’re welcome. You’re on with Vaughn. How can I get you off?”
“Dude, that tip you gave over the air on how to correctly suck a cock…um…”
“They dumped it, no worries. Go on.”
“Sorry, I mean correctly suck a penis. My girl tried it on me. Brilliant, man…just brilliant.”
“It works every time. You’re on with Vaughn.”
“Vaughn, can I ask you a question?”
“Of course.”
“You’re over six feet tall. With your amazing body, dark brown hair, steel gray eyes, killer smile, and the sexiest voice I’ve ever heard in my entire life, how are you still single?”
I chuckled over the phone line. “Not sure. I guess I haven’t met the right woman yet.”
“I’ll marry you. I’ll move to New York, bear your children, feed you grapes, and give you massages. I’ll even perform any sexual act that floats your boat, anal included.”
“That sounds like quite an offer. But I’m cranky, stubborn, and an unorganized mess, ask my assistant.”
“I’m fine with that. Your producer has my number if you change your mind. I give amazing head,” she said before hanging up.
Hank my producer shifted in his seat and shrugged at my smirk. As a professional, I could detach myself from the eroticism discussed in detail while doing my job. Most of the guys I worked with, and even some of the women, weren’t as capable of hiding their arousal when listening to callers.
After being on the air at WJAR FM Los Angeles for just over five years, I heard it all. Over time, I accumulated quite a fan base. Some of my critics argued the content of my show made me popular. Well, fucking duh. Sex sold. But it depended on who did the selling. I don’t recall Dr. Ruth ever being dubbed the hottest sex therapist alive.
Yes, my voice reeled them in. But once they stuck around a bit, listened to my advice, searched me on the Internet, and saw my face they became fans for life–especially the females. Most between the ages of twenty to fifty in southern California had heard of Dr. Vaughn Lair.
I was the Best on the Air award recipient three years in a row, featured in Hot Button Magazine’s Hottest Doctors to Watch issue, and dubbed the sexy sex therapist on the radio. Yes, I may not have been the first person to bring sex therapy to the airwaves, but I made my mark by doing so.
With a Ph.D. in psychology, it was while minoring in sexual therapy when I found my passion. Helping couples work through the barriers that prevented them from having a healthy sex life was my forte…and my golden ticket toward a radio career. No one from my generation tackled the plethora of problems that could hinder a healthy sex life, both psychologically and physically…until me. I did so by melding my clinical sex-pertise with sensuality and humor.
Add a deep raspy voice, and it turned out to be the magic formula for radio success.
Tonight my amazing run on FM radio would end as I moved up to satellite pay radio.
Where censorship wasn’t a constant thorn in my side.
Where the money was abundant.
Where I was about to make broadcasting history.
At five minutes before eleven, Hank spun his finger around signaling me to wrap it up.
“Well, L.A…it’s been a great ride. You all have made this possible for me. Night after night you called in with your questions, stories, and problems. Night after night you gave me the absolute privilege to step into your sex lives and help you make them better. Sex is a very important component to our well-being, and a necessary one. It’s no secret sex boosts self-esteem and reduces stress. Studies have shown intimacy through healthy consensual sexual relationships improves overall health. Yeah, yeah, blah, blah, blah…the bottom line, sex is good for you. So keep doing it.
“I may be moving to New York City, but my heart will always be in L.A. This isn’t a goodbye rather than a talk to ya soon. I expect to hear from you guys next month the first time I flip that On Air switch at Galaxy Satellite Radio. So until then, I’ll leave you all with one more very important piece of advice. I already asked my buddy handling the dump button to let this one go. I say this knowing damn well this will get me fined, but screw it. I might as well go out with a fucking bang…pun intended. For the last time from WJAR.FM Los Angeles, this is Dr. Vaughn Lair. Remember to fuck with all your heart, and fuck like your life depends on it. Good night, L.A.”